Her parents didn't believe in counseling, so the healing process didn't really begin until her twenties, Hannah shares, when she started to work through the past trauma with a therapist.Īs early as 4 or 5 years old, Hannah noticed "that my legs were bigger than the legs of the girls beside me" in dance class, and throughout her teens "that comparison in the mirror never went away." She obsessed over how her thighs touched, unlike other girls' legs-or even the legs of her American Girl doll.įast-forward to when she entered the competitive world of beauty pageantry, and the suggestions that she lose weight began. She still has trouble sleeping to this day, and wonders whether a diagnosis of narcolepsy a few years ago (she's almost incapable of deep, restorative sleep) was in part brought on by fear. "I'd lost my innocence," Hannah writes, as well as her sense of safety, even at home, and the happy times that her family might have shared if this tragedy had never occurred. Her dad's side of the family grew increasingly distant after that and even stopped getting together for holidays, no one wanting to fully deal with the empty chairs. ( Wilson Billy Robitaille, who pleaded not guilty, was convicted of multiple counts of capital murder and sentenced to death.) He ended up stabbing her and the children to death. She left him alone in the kitchen and, when she returned, caught him rifling through her purse. Per Hannah's account, an ex-convict who was free on a work release program after serving time for a nonviolent offense-a man whom Lee and her husband Stuart had previously let live in the travel trailer in their yard and hired to do odd jobs-knocked on the door one day when Stu was at work and Lee let him in, since he was hardly a stranger. The story was big local news, but she tried to block out what happened for years until she finally went online to learn the whole story. Though her mom told her the next day that her departed family members were "angels in heaven," she wouldn't know for a few days that someone had killed them. She recalls sending that something was wrong one May 2001 night when her father had to dash off and miss her dance recital. In the second part Jon explains us that being a rockstar can also be lonely: 'I may have led the prayers in public, but I cried alone', but anyway he 'got no need for protection'.When she was 6, Hannah Brown's Aunt LeeLee and two young cousins were murdered at their home in Hamilton, Ala. Wasn't always easy, but that he's proud that he made it through the hard times: 'God bless this mess, this mess is mine, won't pound my chest or criticize, must confess I've lived, I'veĭied, God bless this mess, this mess is mine'. In the chorus Jon tells us that he's really proud of what he and the band have achieved in their career and especially that he's extremly thankful that it all happened to him. Learn from it and get stronger through it. As always he shows us that in every life there are ups and downs, but this is normal and we should So we see that anyway everything is OK and he's feeling good in the current situation. So the actual situation might not be that good, but the lyrics go on: 'don't cry for me, I'm the life of the party, I'm smiling most of the Is shot, I'm going gray, these muscles all ache'. It begins with the lines: 'I got some blood under my nails, I got some mud on my face, my voice When you read the lyrics, you quickly realize that it's a very personal song about Jon's own life. It's one of Jon's own favorites on the album together with the title track and 'Living with the ghost'. 'God bless this mess' is another song from 'This house is not for sale' released in 2016.
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